Black Women & Friendship: The Evolution of Sisterhood
Left to right : Lela, Jessyka, Levoria, sisters
As February comes to a close, I’m wrapping up Black History Month the same way I do every year—by giving my sweet, patient, Caucasian boyfriend his final history lessons for the month. (Bless his heart, he’s been a good student!) But in doing that, I find myself looking inward, reflecting on my own history as a Black woman, my journey, my accomplishments, and most importantly, the friendships that shaped me.
Right now, I joke that I could make history as the first “fat ass” back on a pole or lyra, but let’s be real—if I take it seriously, muscle memory would snap me back into shape. I know my body, I know what I’m capable of, but I also know reconditioning takes work. And just like that physical work, my heart feels like it’s in a season of reconditioning—but this time, when it comes to friendship.
The Shifting Seasons of Friendship
Today, I think about one of my very first best friends. She’s a leap year baby—born on February 29—so technically, she only gets a birthday every four years. I imagine what her own Black history moments must look like, being half Black, half Mexican, raised in a military household. Her history is so much deeper than something as trivial as weight loss or the personal goals I set for myself. And yet, here I am, knowing that if I don’t stay disciplined, I might just miss out on making my own mark this year.
I say it with conviction—I WILL lose 50 pounds. But do I actually mean it? Or am I just waiting for someone to hold me accountable?
That’s the thing about friendship. We often look to our closest people for motivation, validation, and reassurance. But what happens when your circle is just as lost as you? Lately, I’ve found myself surrounded by undisciplined followers searching for a leader. And in my attempts to lead myself, stand on my own two feet, and fully embrace who I am, I ask myself:
Do I even deserve the type of friends I crave?
Friendships That Fade & Transform
My first best friend and I? Still in contact. But life has moved us in different directions. What kept us close was our shared values—family, faith, and relationships. And while I’ve entertained some of the most chaotic, mismatched relationships, she has always stayed firm in her desire for a picture-perfect family.
My second best friend, the one whose birthday is today? We don’t speak at all anymore. And I miss her. I really do. But how do you reconnect when so much life has passed? When everything you once had in common fades into memories?
Then there’s Sandy (aka Becky) and Dominique. Both are mothers to my nieces and nephews, both are women I considered sisters. But like so many friendships, our bond shifted as their relationships did. The deeper they went into their personal lives, the further apart we drifted.
And finally, my most recent best friend, Heather. We have so much in common, but our polar opposite political and spiritual beliefs create this constant push and pull. Sometimes we’re inseparable, laughing until our stomachs hurt, and other times, we’re at odds—disconnected, letting the weight of our differences pull us apart.
The Struggle of Making Friends in a Digital World
I won’t lie—my recent attempts at making friends have been a complete flop. And honestly? I think I’ve figured out why. As much as I want to believe that friendship can be cultivated online, I just don’t have the patience for virtual connections.
Call me old-school, but I still believe in organic friendships—the kind that happen naturally, without algorithms, SEO keywords, or perfectly curated profiles. I want sisterhood, not just a social media following.
I really thought Facebook groups would be the answer. I searched for communities that align with the woman I am today—a proud Black woman, a natural hair queen, a homemaker, an interracial dater, a mother of adult children, a traveler, a sister in Christ, a businesswoman, a professional. I tried to strategically find friends by filtering through SEO keywords, trying to match my interests with the right groups.
And sure, when I introduced myself? I stood out. I got the applause, the likes, the “Girl, that was the best introduction I’ve seen!” comments. But where were the real connections? Because after all the applause, the excitement faded—and I was still standing alone.
Now that I’m no longer on Facebook, I know that search for sisterhood just got even harder. So I find myself asking…
What does it take to make a true friend—or even a best friend—in today’s digital world?
The Search for Real-Life Connection
I’ll be honest, sometimes I feel desperate for genuine friendship. It’s that deep-rooted urge for sisterhood, the kind that goes beyond casual conversations or social media clout.
I see a Black woman in the store and try to make eye contact, hoping for a spark of connection. I glance at the sister in the car next to mine, wondering if we could be on the same wavelength, both searching for that unspoken bond that comes when you just know someone gets you.
And when all else fails? I take it back to the old-school way. I post flyers on community boards, promoting my hair braiding services, secretly hoping that through business, I might find my tribe. Maybe I’ll meet a woman who understands me, who values what I value, and who, like me, is longing for something real.
So, Where Do We Go From Here?
I don’t have the answers yet. But I know what I want. I want deep, spiritual, fulfilling friendships. I want a sisterhood that isn’t dictated by social media trends or engagement metrics. I want the kind of friendships that build, support, and last.
And if that means taking my time, stepping outside of my comfort zone, and continuing to seek real, meaningful connection, then so be it. Because in a world where everything is digital, fast-paced, and transactional, I still believe that true friendship is worth the wait.
Becoming My Own Best Friend
Lately, I wonder what role I truly play in these friendships. Am I giving as much as I take? Do I share enough of my world with them, or do I just exist as their safe space, their listener, their support system?
The truth is, I don’t have that one person who holds all my secrets, all my trust, all my faith. And maybe that’s okay. Because as I continue to grow, evolve, and step into my next level of consciousness, I realize—
I am becoming my own best friend.
The solitude isn’t lonely. It’s necessary. And as I step into this next chapter, I carry every lesson, every laugh, every heartbreak, and every victory from the women who once stood beside me.
Friendship, like life, is ever-changing. And while some relationships may fade, the love, the impact, and the history remain.
Lessons in Friendship: From Aerial Fitness to Authentic Living
When I had my aerial fitness studio, my students weren’t just clients—they were the best friends I could ever have.They were dependable, evolving, and truly inspirational human beings. I watched them grow, thrive, and move through every phase of life— from graduations to marriages to children. I was there, silently cheering them on from the sidelines, all while living in a toxic, controlling household with a partner who was mentally, physically, and spiritually sick.
I poured so much into my students, but I could never fully open up to just one because each relationship was unique and deeply personal. They saw me as strong, fearless, and in control, and I held onto that image because I thought it was better to live the façade than to let them see the struggle behind my success. If they could believe in the dream and accomplish their goals, then maybe I could too.
Through those relationships, I didn’t just teach—I became a student of friendship. Even though they were paying clients, their money meant nothing compared to the time, energy, and love they gave me. Their presence in my life was precious and treasured in ways I couldn’t fully acknowledge at the time.
Living in the Fantasy While Hiding the Truth
Looking back, it’s hard to fully enjoy those memories because I was so consumed by the imbalance in my personal life.
Compartmentalizing became second nature—I had to keep up the fantasy of the strong, empowered womanleading her students, when in reality, I was trapped in a life I didn’t want. I convinced myself that if I just kept pushing forward, kept pretending, I could somehow manifest the dream into reality.
But I was denying my truth.
I was so focused on proving that you could “have it all”—success, strength, independence, love—while quietly rejecting everything I actually had because it wasn’t what I truly wanted.
Stepping Into My Truth
Now? I’m learning how to be true to myself, to forgive myself for the past, and to release the weight of old mistakes.I’m finally allowing myself to experience freedom, joy, and authenticity—without guilt. And most importantly, I no longer let anyone’s thoughts about me stop me from trying the things I’ve always wanted to do.
For the first time, I can say with clarity and confidence:
I have everything I want.
And there is no price tag that can be placed on that.
I am authentically loved, supported, and cared for. I am being challenged to push past my own perceived limitations. And most importantly, I am finally secure in who I am and what I can do to become even better.
This is true friendship. This is true success. This is true freedom. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
So here’s to Black women, to friendship, and to the art of constantly evolving. 💫
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